We are pleased to introduce you to Bostonite Adam LoDolce, a dating coach, inspirational speaker, and author. Adam was featured on ABC and Adam's book Being Alone Sucks!: How to build self-esteem, confidence and social freedom to transform your dating and social life. has been featured in Glamour.
Read our exclusive interview for Adam's insight into writing, dating, speaking, and making a life in Boston.
Tell us about your book! How did you decide to write a book and what can people expect when they open it up?
The core concept of the book is known as social freedom: the confidence to be your true self in any social situation without the fear of rejection or criticism.
People can expect to not only read about my journey, but also specific exercises and techniques they can use to improve their self-esteem, project confidence, and expand social freedom to be able to meet the man or woman they deserve.
How long have you been speaking and coaching?
Over two years now.
What was it like transitioning from a corporate career to one of your own making?
If I could describe the feeling in one word, it would be "terrified." I was working for a startup software company where I was well compensated, but not doing any “good” for the world. The company was highly unethical but I just plugged along trying, thinking that this was really my only option. Then one day came and the CEO overstepped his bounds on ethics. I “told him off” and said goodbye to the company with little to no plan for what was next.
I had also gone through a personal transformation through this period where I had focused all of my efforts on improving my dating life. I had little to no coaching or public speaking experience, but I knew that others could follow in my footsteps if they had a system to follow. I developed my system, started speaking, started coaching and before I knew it word had spread around the country how effective my methods had proven to be. It’s still amazing to me how quickly the concept of social freedom has spread around the world.
How did you get into public speaking and what were the challenges you encountered with getting up in front of an audience?
I first started out my public speaking career by speaking for free at local youth groups. The first speech I ever gave was to a YMCA in northern Massachusetts and 8 kids showed up, none of them wanting anything to do with me. I had no idea how my concept would be received and whether or not they would even understand it.
So what happened?
It was a TOTAL bomb with most students walking out of the room after 30 minutes.
I pushed forward and kept trying to get “free” speaking gigs. I mean, what else was I going to do? I had left my cushy executive job to become a dating speaker and coach and if it didn’t work out - I would’ve been embarrassed beyond belief.
I began to improve and found that older audiences were really grasping the concept of social freedom. I decided to then invest a few thousand dollars (which was my first “blind” investment in the company) to attend a conference where you speak to potential buyers. I finally thought I was ready to get paid for speaking.
I arrive in Atlanta at my very first conference and go out for a casual Chinese food dinner.
I go to bed, only to be awakened in the middle of the night with the most vicious food poisoning I’ve ever had. I woke up vomiting in my bed (sorry for the graphic nature of the story) and on the toilet all night. I crawl over to my morning speech at 8 AM. Then I had another speech at 9 AM to over 100 college buyers. This was my first ever legitimate speaking engagement and I felt like death.
I booked zero speeches... but I continued forward, because once again, what choice did I have?
Then, I decided to invest almost double to attend another conference on a more grand scale. I arrive to the conference a few months later and what happens? I get a sinus infection the day before speaking to 800 people.
This is all coming from a guy who seriously never gets sick... ever.
It was a rough start, but after my first six months in speaking I became much more comfortable on stage. It was actually a very similar experience I had when I first began approaching women. At first it takes up all of your energy and is a nerve racking experience, but once you expand your social freedom it all becomes very manageable. Until the magical day when it becomes enjoyable.
Now that I've spoken to thousands of students, getting on stage is one of my favorite pastimes.
When you set out to approach 1,000 women in a year how did you select which women to approach? Clearly the reward was well worth it, but how difficult was it to approach the first dozen?
When I first set out to approach 1,000 women, I was very non-discriminant at first. My goal was to eliminate that voice in the back of your head that gives you every excuse not to approach a woman in any given context. For example, if I was out at a bar and saw a woman surrounded by 3 men, naturally my brain would default to the response, “No, don’t approach her, look for women who are either alone or only with other women.” I made a promise to myself not to listen to that part of my brain, so instead I would just move forward. This allowed me to really gain true experience and knowledge of where and when to approach a woman. Our instincts are wrong 80% of the time when it comes to meeting and approaching women - this is why it was so important to set the social freedom goal of approaching 1,000 women. I never allowed my brain to have a choice.
The first dozen were absolutely the hardest, but realistically, the FIRST was the absolute toughest out of all of them. It took me two nights to even get the courage to make my first approach (this is after I set my 1,000 approaches goal) - but once I did it, I noticed that none of my “worst case scenarios” came true. I actually had a very pleasant conversation. I learned that women actually want men to approach them.
How does your coaching work and what kind of work do you expect your clients to do for themselves?
The best way to describe my coaching program is that it is an "experience." Clients come on for either my 1 month, 4 month or 7 month VIP program and are provided with an enormous amount of benefits. The key parts of the program include an all inclusive audio program with action guide, a number of nights out with me actually “Experiencing” the feeling of social freedom, and guidance through successes.
I never call my program "work," because in reality, the entire program has to be a wildly enjoyable adventure or else no one would complete the program. I do expect that clients are continuously approaching women and are following the guidelines of the programs - but if they struggle to do so, I have a number of strategies to keep them on track.
If someone wants to hire you as a dating coach, it could be seen as an investment in their future. What kind of return on their investment can they expect to receive?
It is absolutely an investment - not only do clients meet more men or women, but they know what to say, how to say it, and how to ensure that every date they go on is wildly successful. Also, from just a fiscal perspective, it’s not unusual for clients to see pay raises or promotions as their social skills improve beyond belief.
What’s the most rewarding part of what you do?
Getting numerous messages each day from people around the country about how social freedom has helped them meet the man or woman of their dreams. It shows that all of my work to get this company off the ground was completely worth it.
If our readers only take away one thing from reading this, what would you like it to be?
You can actually learn how to expand your social freedom. Becoming more social is something you can actually learn to do, and to become an outgoing and attractive person is something that exists in every single person reading this interview right now. It just takes some direction and some action.